This is the first part in a short series designed to equip you to help a friend who may be struggling. It may not apply to you today, but it may soon, and your friend needs you to give them God’s truth.
Life has its struggles and pain. Even Christian lives that are full of promise and joy have pain, especially when a loved one dies. The pain of their loss does not go away. It cuts. It lingers. It may seem to fade a little with time, but it doesn’t diminish. It is painful, even excruciating at times.
As a good friend, you want to fix the hurt, but you can’t. But you can help your friend. God has given his people his truth that gives us an eternal perspective to present struggles that wade through impassable difficulty. His truth comforts us and enables us to help others through real problems and pain; even friends dealing with loss and grief.
Everyone dealing with loss or grief seeks comfort. The Bible tells us that the only true, lasting comfort is found in God:
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Your friend is looking for comfort. They may seek it in all kinds of places and in all kinds of ways, but there is only one place where they will have it. The comfort they need, and the only comfort that will comfort them, is in Jesus Christ and his good news. This true comfort may not take away the pain in this life, but it will help them and overcome it.
The gospel of Jesus Christ applies to everything in life. It comforts. It restores. So, what about the gospel will help a grieving friend?
You can point to Jesus knowing the physical pain of death when he died on the cross for sins. You can roughly explain the separation the Father and Son experienced (although we can’t really know what that was like). You can also describe the future hope that God’s people have knowing that one day Jesus will return and there will be no more death. When Christ comes back his followers will sing with loud voices:
“Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:54-55)
These are great, glorious truths! But there is even more you can say and do.
Your friend feels alone and isolated. They need you to be with them, to remind them, and point them to Jesus. This may mean sitting with them and letting them weep on your shoulder and letting their frustration and anger out. It may mean telling them it’s ok to cry out to God (Psalm 130:1). It may mean walking through the stages of grief with them.
Ultimately it means giving them Jesus again and again through his Word. Scripture says we grieve, yet we do it with hope. Because of the gospel of Jesus, his followers weep yet have unbridled hope. We grieve knowing this is not the end. Our hearts are heavy at times, yet God’s grace fills us with joy unspeakable.
Give your grieving friend Jesus. He bore our grief and sorrows. In him, uncertainty becomes confidence. In him, loneliness becomes being known personally. In him, distress becomes peace.
Help them to draw near to Jesus Christ and he will draw near to them. Your comfort in Jesus will become their comfort.
A helpful article with practical tips is What Not to Ask Someone Suffering, by Nancy Guthrie.